The Memoirs of Megan

Her first time in a real high chair at a restaurant. And of course, my chair cootie cover is packed. She got a bath immediately afterwards. 

Wallet thieving starts early, I suppose.

Is there anything than an Ergo-wearing Daddy? I think not. Maybe a sleeping baby inside of the Ergo. Yeah, that’s awesome.

Apparently furniture shopping bores this little Princess. So she decided to nap, in a dorky, yet funny way.

She’s sitting up so well now. And she loves grabbing things. Like the clothes I was trying to put on her.

I’m not a huge fan of this picture. I was trying to get her to take a cute picture to send to her Nina. This was the best we got (out of 10ish tries)

Happy Friday!

I loved my telephone toy. Like, a lot. But I realized today that my daughter will probably never see a telephone like this. Especially considering that we don’t have a “land line” in our house, and never have.

Also, automatic recordings still to this day say, “From a touch tone phone.” Seriously, who is still rocking the rotary phone these days? My 90 year old Grandma even has cordless phones (with caller ID even. She’s rad like that.)

Ah, how things change.

Disclaimer: I don’t think I thought up these terms. I’m 98% sure that I jacked them from somewhere. I am not originally this funny. 

Ah, the world of facebook. Social media is an amazing tool that helps you rekindle friendships from grade-school easily, while also holding the strong probability that your frequent/infrequent status updates are surely annoying someone, at any given time. Today, I will touch on a few of my favorites.

The “Vague-booker.” You know, the person that posts something along the lines of, “wishing that this wouldn’t be so hard.” It automatically prompts someone to ask the inevitable question of, “What’s wrong?” I hate vague-bookers for this reason. I don’t want to play your games, riddler. 

The “town crier.” I recently touched on this one in my last post. You know, it’s the person that posts crap like, “Whitney Houston died 45 seconds ago.” There is also the “Sports Town Crier” (thanks Heather for reminding me of this one.) I seriously watch maybe 3% of sporting events. However, I ALWAYS know how the Detroit Tigers/Red Wings/ Lions are doing, because I have a sports town crier (obviously from Michigan) who keeps me up to date with everything Michigan sports related. Oh, and at some point I “liked” the Denver Broncos, so I seriously get minute to minute updates during game times. 

The “Obnoxious TMI Mom”: I am trying my hardest not to become this one. It’s hard! I honestly got super stoked when Vivien rolled over for the first time, and had to stop myself from posting a celebratory (and bragging) status to all those other Moms who had babies around the same time I did. I had a friend that used to give a play by play on her child’s (unsuccessful from the sounds of it) attempts of becoming potty trained. I also have another friend that ONLY posts about one of her (5!) kids being sick. If you’re going to make it a regular thing, do what I do…blog about it.

The “Village Idiot”: Harsh words. But I (hope) you know what I mean. Yes, the friend that sounds completely ignorant all. the. time. The friend that doesn’t know the difference between “Your/You’re” or “They’re/Their/There.” It makes me sit back and wonder how some people graduate high school, and what kind of profession they hold down. And I know it’s a total Mid-West thing (maybe just Michigan?) to say, “I seen it” but it still bugs me every single time, even more so when I see it typed out.

The “Potty Mouth”: I am proud to say that I actually I have deleted most of my foul language offenders. They were fellow co-workers that would drop the “F Bomb” like it was going out of style. When your statuses have absolutely nothing witty and/or intelligent to say, and are polluted with curse words all the time (not just some of the time) it’s time for you to go. And let me tell you, being married to a Sailor (former) and having an Ex-Husband who was a Marine, I am not a dainty flower that gets offended easily. But super frequent statuses like, “F you, Chargers. You effing suck,” (which I agree, the Chargers do suck) puts you on the fast track to deletes-ville. 

The “Super Christian”: Ironic, how this one comes right after the “potty mouth.” It wasn’t on purpose, I promise. While I enjoy a good Bible verse motivation every once in a while, I do have friends that go a bit over-board. Mostly, I have a problem with the word, “fellowship.” Why must “hanging out” morph into the word “fellowship” if someone is a Christian? I can totally chill with my fellow-Jesus-loving-friends. I don’t want to “Fellowship” with them. It sounds weird. Stop saying it. Otherwise, shout your love for God from the mountain-tops, just don’t even think about sending me an invite to “Like” Jesus on facebook. Someone sent that to me once. Honestly, that’s dumb. I doubt God cares about how many people “Like” Him on facebook.

The “Political Debate” Friend: Yes, the person that gets into LONG drawn out arguments over their political views. Sometimes I get sucked into one of these debates, I’ll admit. But sometimes, I feel like some of my friends just say certain things to start an argument. For example, I had a friend that spoke negatively (and used derogatory names) for homosexual people, but then went on to “justify” that it was okay for them to have those opinions (more importantly, voice their negative opinions in a public space such as facebook) because they once had a friend who was gay. (Also, it was regarding “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell, so that’s why they are put into this category.) 

The “Play by Player”: I can’t think of anything else to call them. You know, it’s the person who throws out like 15 status updates a day, mostly regarding things that no one cares about. “Going running!” ….”Awesome run! Time to hit the showers!” ….”Off to lunch!”…..”Ordering the caprese sandwich!”…..etc… 

The “FourSquare person”: The person that wants you to know that they ousted the previous mayor of AutoZone, and now, because of their 2,000 recent “check ins” they are now the mayor. However, one time at the Y that I worked at, we had a mayor battle for a while. That was funny (to us). Becoming the mayor of the movie theater that you frequent, is just a little silly to broadcast loud and proud. 

The “Exerciser”: Kudos to you for running, seriously. I can’t stand working out. However, there is now an app that syncs your running times to your updates. So now I know that ______ just ran 3 miles in 45 minutes. I want an app that will respond with, “Megan just ate cheetos while complaining about being fat, at the same time.”

The “Pregnant Broad”: Hahaha, I did this. But I’ll post it anyways. I have about 15 pregnant friends right now. They have ALL synced their due dates with something that pops up weekly, displaying how far along they are. It gets confusing, but I “get it.” You’re growing a human inside you; you get a pass for this one in my book. (Though my single, non-parenting homegirls have expressed their strong dislike for this type of person, recently.)

I’m sure that you can rattle off a bunch more of these, which is why I labeled this post (Part One.) It’s a work in progress. Some of the other types I left out:

• The Blogger (guilty!)
• The “My kid is in a contest and you need to vote for me” type person. (Guilty, again!)
• The Picture Whore (my favorite type, actually. The stalker in me loves this person.)
• The Gamer
• The pinterest person (who doesn’t know to “un-sync” what they pin)

What annoys you the most on facebook? I’d love to hear!

     PS: Vote for me. Do it. See! 

My good friend Regina and I were having a discussion the other day about how unfair it was that men age better than women. Case in point: Eli and I went to a baseball game. Since I am slowly recovering from a broken tailbone, we decided that it would be better if Eli carried Vivien in the Ergo until we got to our seats. During the time of him walking with her in the carrier, he got about 45 glances from women, 15 smiles and I even overheard one discussion about how “sexy and manly” it was when Dads would carry/wear their babies.

Pan to later on during the game. We were in our seats, and Vivien became hungry. So I fed her. (Yes, I’m still breastfeeding her. No, I don’t use a cover because she hates it and flails around like a crazy person under it, completely counter-acting the use of a cover. No, my boob is not just hanging out, I know how to be super discrete.) And what do I hear from behind me? Yep, some jackass group of guys talking about how un-sexy women are once they have kids. (It continued, I opened my mouth ::shocker, me?!:: and they stopped.)

So what’s the difference between the two when it comes to aging? Why do men get rad nicknames such as “Silver Fox” or “Eternal Bachelor” or “Playboy” while women get less-than-awesome ones such as “Old Maid,” or “Crazy Cat Lady?” And why is it that the older men get, the more attractive they become (adding a child to the mix typically makes them more appealing to the ladies) compared to ladies where it has the exact opposite reaction from men.

The pictures are a way of proving my point. And it just so happens that they are both on Grey’s Anatomy.

Bunny Trail*: How insanely redic** was the season finale of Grey’s? Seriously! They are grasping at straws, here. I mean, so far, Meredith has had one of her best friends die from getting hit by a bus, her other friend have terminal cancer (yet she lived, but disappeared from the show) there was a hospital shooting (!!!) two seasons ago, she got into an ambulance crash like 6 episodes ago…My point it, NO ONE has that much crap happen to them. Yes, I know it’s a TV show, but it’s not All My Children, here. 

*Bunny Trail: I had a teacher who called getting off-topic “Going off on a bunny trail. I liked it. It stuck with me.

**Redic: I realize not everyone is addicted to the Kardashians like I am. Redic is short for “ridiculous.” I’ll use it in a sentence: Megan’s infatuation with reality TV is a bit redic, especially considering her age.

And here is one more “Silver Fox.” I don’t watch CNN (who am I kidding, I get my news updates from facebook. You know, every person has the “town crier” friend who gives news updates as statuses. Don’t they? I have like 6 “town crier” friends, so sometimes it’s a race on who can shout out the important news of the day on facebook the fastest.) Anyways, Anderson Cooper is still hot. Too bad he’s gay, and liberal. It would never work out between us.

Keep it real, my fellow “Old Bitties” 

  Ack! I’ve slipped down to number 43! Help me get back into the 30′s! Click this banner!

This weekend was an absolute blast. Hence the 4 day span between posts!

Saturday we went and hung out with friends and had a BBQ and Vivien had her very first baby playdate. The other baby was 3 months older, and they did great together.

On Sunday, we wanted to do something touristy, so we chose to go to the Denver Aquarium. Vivien LOVED it, and enjoyed being pushed around in her stroller and all the brights colors and things to look at.

It was such a fun place, and there was lots for her to look at.

She especially loved the parts where the fish were swimming in tanks on the ceiling. It ranked higher on her “Awesome meter” than ceiling fans, and that’s an accomplishment!

At the end of it, we went into the giftshop and Vivien got her choose her favorite stuffed animal. She chose a purple seahorse, and laughs hysterically every time she plays with it.

On Sunday, we went up into the mountains of Estes Park. Dopey me forgot to take any pictures, but we had fun. So enjoy the rest of the aquarium pictures.

Don’t forget to take a quick second and click ^^^^ that thing.

This is in no particular order, and will be 2 weeks worth of photos because I was busy last Friday and forgot. (shame on me.) I promise next week’s won’t be so long, because it will only be a one week recap.

Easiest baby food puree to date. Step One: Open Can. Step 2: Put in baby food container.

Playing on the floor during the home inspection yesterday.

Hellooooooooooo!

It’s been thundering and lightening here seriously almost every day. One day the sun was even shining. As a California girl, I find this odd.

Playing with her favorite toy ever: Mini Me papers!

I accidentally left Monkey in Palm Springs. Luckily she found her way back to us through UPS, in a shoe box. Thanks, Grandparents! Not a moment too soon!

Eli hates this picture. I think it’s darling.

Oh, those lashes!

White nail polish and bright coral toes, I must be feeling summery.

Eli found me FAYGO (!!!!!) at the gas station. So he bought me every flavor. (Red Pop!! Booyah!!) Oh and Peanut M&M’s because they are my favorite and it was Mother’s Day.

I think it’s super funny when she sleeps with her butt in the air.

The middle section of my Pandora bracelet is full now. (Pink is V’s birthstone, so I’m going with a pink/red theme.)

She enjoys playing with her high chair mat. More than the squash, actually.

She loves sitting on Daddy’s shoulders.

A celebratory beer after the home inspection. (I just had one!) I thought it was funny that it came in a pint sized can. And it wasn’t that yummy, so I only drank 3/4 of it.

Don’t forget to vote, once a day!

I’m going to walk you through a conversation that (hopefully) you will find as funny as I did/do.

Eli: “What are we going to do this weekend?”

Megan: “I don’t know, your friend’s BBQ is this Saturday, so I guess that?”

Eli: “We should go somewhere fun this weekend, maybe to Colorado Springs, or up to Estes Park?”

Megan: “Why?”

Eli: “It’s a 3 day weekend?”

Megan: “It is? Why?!”

Eli: “Memorial Day. Wow, days really have no meaning when you’re not working, huh?”

It’s true. Most of the time I manage to remember the days of the week, however, remembering funny little holidays like Memorial Day really doesn’t have the same meaning that it used to. I remember when I was working (really, I’m talking like it was forever ago. It’s been like a month and a half haha) but the stretch between Martin Luther King JR. day and Memorial Day was like, the longest of them all.

To combat this whole issue, yesterday I went and tried out a Mom’s Group in the area of where we will be closing on the house. We went swimming at a GORGEOUS pool in the town next to us. I seriously had pool envy, until I realized that it took like 6 lifeguards to be able to lifeguard all the nooks and crannies of the slide/lazy river/activity pool/wading pool. Vivien was very serious the whole time, but had a fun time kicking her feet and reaching for her ducky. (For those asking, swimming lessons for her will start once we return from vacation this summer. Yeeeeep! Can’t wait to sing the Twinkle Twinkle song!)

And because several people told me, “More videos!” here is a video!

Don’t be heartless and click the big red “X.” No! You’re not done! Click this banner! Vivien wants you too.