Advice (ack!) for a first time Mom from a Mommy of three.
Cherish your hospital time. With my first delivery, I actually said to a nurse “I’m sorry to bother you, but I think I have a problem” as I was bleeding to death. Third time? I buzzed the night nurse every 30 minutes for ice chips. I asked for extra crackers. I requested hot chocolate at 4am. With whipped cream. Those goddesses waited on me hand and foot. It was better than a weekend at the spa.
Enjoy your first baby. You’ll still love and enjoy each one you pop out, but your time and patience will have to be divided. Which sucks, because your oldest gets the shaft. BIG time.
Dress her up. By kid #3 you’ll be making kid #1 get pajamas for her and kid #2 while changing kid #3’s barfed on onesie for the 18th time. And you won’t care what they wear as long as their junk is covered.
Dress YOURSELF up. Save the yoga pants and Old Navy tees for baby #2 and #3. This may be impossible, but try to give your husband something decent to look at, since you’ll turn into a beast with milk stained, oversized t-shirts soon enough.
Familiarize yourself with your closet and/or shower. Both work sufficiently as your place to bawl your motherlovin’ eyes out. Think Charlotte in Sex and the City 2. That will happen. In yoga pants and Old Navy tees. Covered in barf. And there’s no nanny to save you.
Love on your baby as much as possible. She’ll need those memories when she’s contemplating therapy at age six.
Impress your husband. Cook amazing meals and keep the house clean. That way, by the time kid #3 comes along and he‘s trying to smash yet another McDonald‘s food bag into the garbage can, he can actually see the decline of you as a human being and offer to get a housekeeper. Win!
Enjoy all your favorite cussing movies and tv shows now. Even though you think they’re all asleep, I guarantee you’ll hear one of HBO’s finest lines during bath time. And each child will have to repeat it. Twice.
Give your husband… affection. You know what I mean. Do it as often as possible when kid #1 is a baby. Being interrupted by a baby crying over a monitor is WAY better than being interrupted by a sleepy-eyed three year old saying “Daddy, what are you doing? Are you hurt?”
Invest in bedroom door locks now – you’ll forget later. *see above
Make the best out of everything. Go out to dinner, just the three of you. Enjoy sit down family meals. Soon, you’ll be eating a romantic dinner of crab legs in your pajamas while praying the baby doesn’t wake up in the next five minutes and allowing your older kids to play Wii while eating Oreos and Go-Gurts for dinner. (this one actually happened tonight, thankyouverymuch)
Most important, love yourself. You’ve gained weight, stretch marks, and you need to invest in MUCH better bras. So what? You created life, man. If that’s not an excuse, I don’t know what is. Your husband loves you, no matter what. Don’t worry, he won’t divorce you over your newly jacked up body… it’s cheaper to keep you around. Besides, who else is going to take care of your wild monkey children?!
Peace, love, and lots of chardonnay,
Regina was gracious enough to write a guest post for me, while I am in the process of moving. She is an absolutely hysterical Mom to three boys and lives with her husband in Arizona. Once upon a time she had a blog, but now (understandably) she is kept busy in other places. Thank you Regina for this advice, as I found myself taking notes for much of it. I love you!
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