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It’s Like Rain, On Your Wedding Day…

You know that song, Ironic by Alanis Morissette? What am I talking about, of course you do! (Ok, Mom, you probably don’t. And don’t look it up either, it has a naughty word in it. But the radio bleeps it out. And when I sing it, I promise that I say “beeeeeeeeep” really loud instead of the word.)


Well, last night on my way to bed, I thought I would do an irony post, with a twist. This is how it always seems to happen at my house.

  • I’m going to do the obvious. As soon as I wash the Mom-mobile (AKA my SUV FYI….holy abbreviations, batman), it rains. Within hours, sometimes. Or I’ll wash it, and then an entire flock of birds will poo on my car. Like, in unison.
  • I will have just pulled the load of fresh, non-poo-smelling diapers out of the dryer when BAM, I see Vivien whipping out her very best turning-red-poop-face and hear the grunts as they echo through my house. I know, I know, it’s diapers, what did I expect, right?
  • I rock Vivien to sleep. Lately she’s been rather hard to get to go to sleep, so the other day, I gently (and slowly) lay her down and…..the doorbell rings and the dogs go ballistic. Darn you, internet shopping & UPS!  So then I though to myself, “Domestic goddess (yes, that’s what I call myself in my head) why don’t you put a little piece of paper above the doorbell that says something along the lines of, ‘Baby sleeping, please do not ring doorbell.’ Domestic goddess, you are a genius!” So I did just that. Today, as I was laying her down, I hear the UPS truck pull up. I cringe, but am thankful that I put that sign up. Until I hear…….the UPS driver banging/knocking loudly on the door. Cue insane (and high pitched yappy) terrier dogs. By the time I get down to the door after corralling the dogs and screaming baby, he was gone and had left the package at the door. It warms my heart that this is the one schedule that I’ve actually been fairly regular with.

The vicious guard dogs. Don’t underestimate the little one, dude, she’s 9 pounds of pure evil.

  • Yesterday I spent the better part of the day cleaning my house. And I mean cleaning. I pulled out the big guns: pledge, Kaboom, the dyson….you get the point. I walked upstairs after scrubbing the bathroom to find that my husband had decided to shave off his beard, and there were gagillions (you’d know that was a real number if you saw my sink/countertop) of tiny 2mm long hairs all over the counter top. He has a 6th sense with those types of things. (Although I must confess that normally there are willions [which is obviously way more than gagillions] of tiny little hairs. He actually did clean them up pretty well this time. But it wasn’t spotless. No sir.)
  • Since moving to Colorado, I’ve been fighting the dryness of the weather/climate. So I’ve been going through chapstick like no one’s business. However, every single time I order one (here’s my favorite, and it’s cheap, and they have free shipping with no minimum order!) to keep as a “backup” chapstick, I realize that I left it in my jeans pocket and it goes through the wash. At least I don’t put my jeans in the dryer, ever?

What are some funny and ironic things that always seem to happen to you in your household?

4 comments to It’s Like Rain, On Your Wedding Day…

  • Most of mine are self-inflicted, I have to admit.
    -EVERYTIME I clean the streaks off of the inside of my toilet bowl, it makes me want to drop a duece…so I do. And end up with the same problem.
    -Everytime I workout extra hard on the eliptical, Papa Johns rings my doorbell and I find myself neck-deep in deliciousness. It’s so strange.
    -I have pregnancy tests on hand at all times (Due to my unbased terror of finding myself pregnant) and every single time I need to use one, I can’t find them until I’ve already bought some new ones.
    I have at least 4 empty eyeliners around my house. I try and squeeze out a little big of color from them, and always come up empty, I give up, and put them back where I found them. Maybe next time..

  • cookiesforbfast

    HAHAHAHA I laughed out loud throughout this entire post.

    You, my friend, are HILARIOUS!

  • juliafincher

    Ditto on the car! I have the same issue with white shirts. I should same time and just smear something on the front of the shirt instead of waiting to spill on it!

  • kelly

    hahah ain’t that the truth! your dogs are freaking adorable!! xo Kelly