Keeping up with the “confessions” theme, I have a dirty little secret.
I am the hairiest Dutch woman in the world.
Here’s my senior picture to prove my point. Ok just kidding. However, my beard could probably give this chick a run for her money. And speaking of money, it’s a shame that “freak shows” are considered outdated, because I could have an amazing career opportunity.
I don’t know what made me so hairy; I like to think that it is a side-effect of taking the birth control shot depo-provera for years.
Anyways, I used to always wax my eyebrows and chin every other week. I had a favorite place that I would go to, and the techs knew me by name. Heck, I even invited one of them to my wedding, that’s how tight we are. Seriously, don’t under-estimate the bonding powers of someone plucking your chin hairs.
Whenever I would go to a different waxing place (and let’s face it, 99% of them were Vietnamese nail salons. I’m not being a jerky racist, I’m stating a fact) they would always say the same thing:
“Ohhh, you so haiwy. When you wax last?”
They would always give me the same look of shock when I would respond “two weeks ago.” Then I swear I would see dollar signs in their eyes.
Being called hairy by a petite Asian on a bi-weekly basis never really affected me, though. I was jaded.
Flash forward to 2009. I moved to a city in the Bay Area that is populated mostly with Indians. (Like, from India. I’m not being a jerk and calling “Native Americans” by the term “Indian.” I know the difference.)
I went on yelp to find a waxing place, and the only thing that kept appearing over and over were threading salons.
Note: That is not me. If it was, it would show a white chick whose eyes are watering and hands have a death grip on the chair because, depending on where you go and what “time of the month” you go, that crap hurts.
So I went to the threading salon, and sat down for my first ever eyebrow thread. After telling the gorgeous Indian lady the area that I wanted to become hair-free, I tilt my head back and she says, “Wow, you’re really hairy.”
I don’t know what stung worse, having your hair follicles pulled out, or being called “really hairy” by an Indian lady whose profession is threading other hairy Indian (and occasionally Persian) ladies.
Do you have an embarrassing secret?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh shit this is HILARIOUS!
I know I say this all the time, but this for real is my favorite post of all freaking time, like OMG. Go back-date your Sunday Social from last week and add this to the favorite post question. Holy mother, I’m dying. I legit will be laughing about this all day long. I love you hahahaha
I’m right with you on that one. It’s probably because you are my long lost sister and you’re really not Dutch you are part Mexican and Armenian like me.
Maybe some Dark Swedish. That’s what my grandma would call herself and I remember some nice goat hairs on her, God rest her soul. I was screwed so maybe you are too. lol
Sista, you are not alone! I blame my hairyness on PCOS and it doesn’t help that I’m Hispanic and my hair is super dark! I actually had laser hair removal and that was the best thing EVER. It wasn’t cheap but so so worth it – for the 2 years that it lasted. The moment I got pregnant, the hair came back! Now I’m a hairy mom – yay. So I need to know more about this waxing stuff because mama can’t afford to laser this shit away again!
Lol! I hear you girl, I am too a hairy lady. I blame it in my American Indian roots. Did you like threading??
This is awesome. I can SO relate. And i hate that i am hairy! I’ve never been hairy until as an adult, and i don’t know why it is. I get my eyebrowns & lip waxed, but i also get chin hairs, a random hair on my CHEEK, and what i hate most… two small patches of hair on my NECK!!! OMG!!!!
It’s horrible! And i’m not even dark! I’m fair complected with blue-ish green-ish eyes & light brown hair! But the hair on my neck? The stray hair on my cheek? The chin hairs? dark.
O. M. G. I just died.
In the later part of my pregnancy, I treated myself to bi-weekly pedi since I couldn’t touch my toes anymore.
Nothing is more embarrassing than being Asian (I’m Chinese) in a nail salon with all Vietnamese ladies being asked over and over if I needed my chin waxed and getting comments on how my eyebrows needed some attention as well. And not just by the tech working on me, she would call others over to inspect and they’ve give their opinion as well. I know they meant well (and wanted my business) and very blunt but sure makes a pregnant girl uncomfortable in those massage chairs.
haha oh my goodness this is hilarious!! I get my eyebrows threaded and I HATE it when my eyebrow lady starts offering me other services and tsks me when I refuse.
I have enough trouble not punching her when she does my eyebrows, I totally know I’ll lose control if she does my upper lip.
P.S i’m following you from the mommy brain mixer!
This seriously made my day! I heart you. I’m also hairy (prob the biggest thing I’m self conscious over and would NEVER post about it – ha!) and I’m too embarrassed to go somewhere to deal with it. I just pluck my own brows daily and rock the stache! HA! Thank you for making me feel not alone.
Absolutely an excellent confession! Ugh, I’m a hairy Italian-American here. Waxing is an evil necessity. I don’t get there remotely often enough because, hello, two young kids and a full-time job mean no free time, so I have to tweeze too. And I love that regardless of where I go, the waxer shakes her head at me, and says, “Oh my God, who did that to you?!” (I clearly don’t go to anyone consistently so they can’t know my dark hairy secret.) I’m always too embarrassed to say, “I did because I couldn’t find 30 minutes or a babysitter to drive over to get a wax, and I went tweeze-crazy. Hello! Have you SEEN how much hair I have?!”
hehhehehe!! I’m one of those hairy Indians!! Not that I’m in the Bay area, but I too am pretty hairy. I love threading better than waxing for my eyebrows because then you can really shape them well! And, of course, my tweezers and I are BFFs!
[...] Threading. Remember why? [...]