Inspire Me: Healthy

This week was a big fat failure, that is leaving me feeling like a fattie McFat. In my defense, I have had wicked cramps for the past 4 days. Like, the kind that make you keel over and yelp out in pain. So I have done nothing. I haven’t worked out a single day. However, I have been eating ok(ish).

I don’t want to step on the scale, so I have nothing for you. I want to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s while complaining about how much it sucks to be a female.

But, instead, I will paint my nails and watch me some Honey Boo Boo, because nothing inspires me more than watching that family. Seriously, it’s my weekly motivation, fo’ sho’. Don’t judge, you better red-neck-agnize!

Also, the other topic this week is Dream Job. It’s my dream to land this kind of gig:

Holla!! What’s that, Bravo TV? You want to pay me to sit around and gossip?!

That’s my specialty!

I’ll flip a table, or throw wine in some broads face for $200k a year.

I have a big bag just waiting for a tiny dog to live in it.

So anytime you want to make a Real Housewives of Denver, Bravo TV, hit a home-girl up. I’ll take my massive paycheck all the way to my plastic surgeon for some on-camera liposuction and tummy tuck action, then call it a “medical correction” at the reunion until I’m blue in the face (which would also, no doubt, be perfectly botoxed.)